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Law 1: No matter how bad your
last shot was, the worst is yet to come. This law does not expire on the
18th hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the
course of a tournament, a summer and, eventually, a
lifetime.
LAW 2: Your
best round of golf will be followed almost immediately by your worst round
ever. The probability of the latter increases with the number of people
you tell about the former.
LAW
3: Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic. Though this cannot
be proven in the lab, it is a known fact that the more expensive the golf
ball, the greater its attraction to water.
LAW 4: Golf balls never bounce off
trees back into play. If one does, the tree is breaking a law of the
universe and should be cut down.
LAW 5: No matter what causes a golfer
to muff a shot, all his playing partners must solemnly chant "You looked
up," or invoke the wrath of the universe.
LAW 6: The higher a golfer's
handicap, the more qualified he deems himself as an
instructor.
LAW 7:
Every par-three hole in the world has a secret desire to humiliate
golfers. The shorter the hole, the greater its desire.
LAW 8: Topping a 3-iron is the most
painful torture known to man.
LAW 9: Palm trees eat golf
balls.
LAW 10: Sand
is alive. If it isn't, how do you explain the way it works against
you?
LAW 11: Golf
carts always run out of juice at the farthest point from the
clubhouse.
LAW 12: A
golfer hitting into your group will always be bigger than anyone in your
group. Likewise, a group you accidentally hit into will consist of a
football player, a professional wrestler, a convicted murderer and an IRS
agent -- or some similar combination.
LAW 13: All 3-woods are
demon-possessed.
LAW
14: Golf balls from the same "sleeve" tend to follow one
another, particularly out of bounds or into the water (See Law
three).
LAW 15: A
severe slice is a thing of awesome power and beauty.
LAW 16: "Nice lag" can usually be
translated to "lousy putt." Similarly, "tough break" can usually be
translated "way to miss an easy one, sucker."
LAW 17: The person you would most
hate to lose to will always be the one who beats you.
LAW 18: The last three holes of a
round will automatically adjust your score to what it really should
be.
LAW 19: Golf
should be given up at least twice per month.
LAW 20: All vows taken on a golf
course shall be valid only until the sunset.
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